We are privileged to welcome guest blogger, Emotional Energy Coach, Geraldine Crane. I first met Geraldine at a Connect Wakefield networking event, with a glow of calm and positivity you naturally gravitate towards her and I've been a huge fan ever since. I was curious about her job title, and after attending a talk that Geraldine gave, I fully appreciate her gift and the importance of recognising and looking after your own emotional energy. I've had the pleasure of photographing Geraldine for her social media and website and what a privilege it was to soak up her positive energy and find out more about how she helps people.
Here Geraldine shares her story and top tips for protecting your emotional energy.
My Journey to Protecting My Emotional Energy and a
Few Simple Tips to Help You Protect Yours
First, I just want to say a big thank you to Kate for asking me to do this guest blog and for all the support (and beautiful photography) she has given to me and my business.
Now to introduce myself, I am Geraldine Crane - Emotional Energy Coach.
Until the lockdown my mission with my work has been to help women who had lost their self-belief due to any kind of toxic relationship. It could be a family member, parent, friend, partner or even someone at work. Anyone, who has left them feeling drained, so they are constantly questioning themselves. I help by using gentle intuitive coaching and hypnotherapy to guide them to reclaim their power, so they can feel more positive and in control.
Since the lockdown, my coaching and hypnotherapy has gone online, but it has still been very quiet whilst people are more focused at just adapting to these very strange times. As a result, I have focused more on sharing advice and supporting people in staying calm.
I am also a medium and whilst this used to play a small part in my work previously, as I often worked intuitively, I never really focused on it, for fear it may put people off. However, since the lockdown I have more and more been embracing my spiritual side and started posting card readings and messages on my social media. It would seem that these messages have brought people the most peace and reassurance. And so, it may be that once we eventually return to normal, my work will continue in this direction. Only time will tell. For now, I am simply using all the tools I have in my toolbox to help as many people as I can, to find some inner peace so they can stay calm in the chaos.
To explain how and why I became an emotional energy coach, I thought it would help if I briefly share with you my story. However, I would like to make it clear that I am not sharing my story to garner sympathy as a ‘victim’ nor to inspire you and make you feel like you should be doing more. I am merely sharing the journey, to explain how I have collected the tools that enable me to do what I do. In addition to that, I love to share my story in the hope that in may trigger in you, a conversation with yourself about things that may need to change for you, as well as removing some of the stigma around domestic abuse.
Professionally my background is with the Probation Service, where I worked as a qualified Probation Officer for over 10 years on and off, as well as spending some time working within Drug Intervention teams. Within these roles, I coached people to make better life choices, but it was exhausting working with people who did not want to be there. So, I moved on to join the charity sector, supporting women in their emotional recovery from Domestic Abuse (DA), an issue I was and still am deeply passionate about.
However, it was through doing this work that I finally came to realise that I, in fact, I had been a victim of emotional and psychological abuse for over 30 years.
I Should Have Known
In hindsight, I probably should have realised this much earlier, as I had been battling with serious bouts of anxiety for many years. I had my first major breakdown at 19, when I was forced to drop out of university, as I could no longer cope.
At the time I thought this was all due to the pressure of being a carer since the age of 12 to my mum, who had both mental and physical health issues. But finally, after my third major break down, whilst I was still working with DA victims, I started realising that many of the different forms of DA I spoke about with my clients, were far too familiar to me. For example;
Cycle of Abuse and Trauma Bonding
I simply had not realised that I was stuck in a chronic cycle of being treated so badly that my anxiety would cause me to breakdown, and then the same person would then rescue me.
This cycle had prevented me from seeing what was actually going on, as it caused a ‘traumatic bond’ to the abuser. – This happens when an abuser causes you harm, either emotionally or physically, then rescues you, by acting like the perfect partner, friend or parent…So basically you think the sun shines out of their arse - often not realising they caused the whole issue in the first place.
Well I thought the sun shone out of my mum’s arse, she made sure she was the centre of my world and that she was always the one to ‘rescue me’ when I could not cope. It took me until I was 35, with the help of a bloody good counsellor, and the support of my amazing husband to truly realise that she had been emotionally and psychologically abusing me for many years, manipulating me and distorting my world view. Finally, I realised that I was not the person she told me I was. I was not a ‘bad carer’ or ‘selfish’. I had to relearn who I was and discover what my view of the world was.
Many others around me had seen it of course, but simply could not tell me until I was ready to hear it. (My husband, bless him, has the patience of a saint!) But a realisation like this, you must come to for yourself.
Hardest Decision of My Life
Once I realised what was going on, I tried to put some boundaries in place, so I could still have a relationship with my mum. But she would not accept them and just got worse, so in the end I was left with no choice but to cut her out of my life. This was the hardest thing and most painful I have ever had to do, but it has also been the most significant.
When you cut out a huge source of negativity in your life like that, it leaves open so much space for positivity to pour in. I was able to re-establish relationships with other family, meet new amazing people and found new and exciting opportunities, which I would never have thought possible before.
The first few months were really hard but once I started feeling stronger I decided to train as a hypnotherapist, and then decided to combine everything I had learned along the way both personally, professionally and spiritually to start my own business and as an Emotional Energy Coach, and I bloody love it.
Lessons Learnt – Gifts Wrapped in Sandpaper
I can see now that all I went through was a ‘gift wrapped in sandpaper’ (a reference from Lisa Nichol’s book – ‘No Matter what’) giving me the tools to help others and do work that really nourishes my soul (cheesy I know, but true).
So as I said before I have shared my story with you not to say “oh, look what a victim I have been and look at all I have overcome”. There is so much competition now to be the biggest victim and that is not a race I am interested in. No, I shared my story to show that I am no longer a victim. That I took responsibility for my life and took action to change it, so I could find peace and balance.
I want others to see that no matter what is happening, they are the ones in control and have the power to change their lives. The main way I found to do that was to take responsibility for my life and to see that all negative experience brings a gift, a lesson, that will point us in the right direction for us. All I have experienced has given me the tools and the passion to help others, and to make a life that I love. Sure, I have down days, but I always know they will pass, and it is up to me to make the next one better. No-one is going to rescue you. You have to step up to the plate and be your own superhero ….(though a good coach can help you along the way 😉). Through all I have learnt I have finally come to love myself unconditionally, admittedly it’s still a work in progress and no doubt will always be, as I am human. But I do believe unconditional self-love has been the key to shifting the anxiety and if I can help others reconnect with their true selves and love that self…how AMAZING is that!
My Top Tips
So enough about me. I want to share with you some tips to help you protect your emotional energy during this crazy time. I have lots of tools I use in my coaching but these are simple things you can do right away so you can start feeling better now.
Protect Your energy
The first is a visualisation tool I call the Protection Pyramid. All you have to do is on a morning, before you start your day, simply imagine a pyramid around you. It may come down over you, build around you or you can step inside it…it really doesn’t matter. Once you are inside the pyramid you can see that any negative energies will simply bounce off the walls, allowing you to feel calm and safe.
Every day you may find your pyramid is made of different things, as your subconscious or your higher self (however you wish to interpret it) will send you exactly what you need that day. For example, mine used to be made of solid steel and would often have spikes coming out of this if I was seeing my mum. These days it is usually made of glass, but it can be triple glazed some days, or it may be lined with pillows and cushions if I need some self-care.
Give it a go and you will see the negativity and the fear just bouncing off, like water of a ducks back. I used it when working with some very difficult characters as a probation officer and the difference it made was incredible, and with so much negativity and fear in the world right now, we all need a protection pyramid more than ever. But do make sure you do it when you first wake, before you encounter any negative energy from others, or you could end up locking their negativity in the pyramid with you.
Avoid negative media
The news can be very fear based, so turn it off! Yes, we all need to know what is happening right now, but just checking a news app once a day is enough. Instead, look for uplifting stories, watch uplifting programmes or movies. Allow yourself to see all the good that is happening and allow yourself to escape. Give your mind a break.
Be very wary of social media
Never mind all the fear-based stuff, the conspiracy theories and fake advice, social media can also be a huge source of pressure. Pressure to be positive all the time, pressure to be perfect, pressure to be busy, pressure to learn, pressure to an amazing parent and home schooler, pressure to be a brilliant business owner, marketing yourself day and night with so many different models of working it can make your head explode.
There can be so much pressure from social media to be making the most of lockdown, all whilst dealing with an unprecedented situation no one has faced before and so no one really knows the right way to respond. On top of all that, many of us also have kids home full time and so we are also helping them to cope with it all. If you are feeling this way, take steps to reduce your time on social media where you can. Perhaps taking the app off your phone and only using your laptop. Or by giving yourself timeslots, whatever works for you. Instead focus on self-care and compassion. In other words, just ‘be’ and anything else is a bonus!
Acknowledge your feelings
The most important thing is to know your feelings are valid and to express them. Cry if you need to, punch a pillow. Let it out. If your bottle it up, it will only explode when you really don’t want it to. If you let it out, you then have space for calm and positivity to come in.
Do not put pressure on yourself to be calm and positive all the time, you are a human being. It simply is not possible, even at the best of times.
Know that any negative thoughts or feelings will pass and if you notice them and then let them go, then new thoughts and feelings can come in.
Whether you dance, sing, play an instrument or simply listen to your favourite music, it can be so powerful, as it brings you into the now. You will not be thinking about the past or worrying about the future. It simply gives your mind a well-earned break.
Music is also a great way to reconnect you with your body which is particularly important, as when we become traumatised or fearful, we can become disconnected from our bodies.
Music lifts your frequency. We all vibrate at a certain frequency, the lower the frequency the more negative the energy, the higher frequency the more positive the energy. Hence when you listen to uplifting music you feel energised. Hence music can help lift your mood.
Music can also be joyously infectious and bonding…just try singing or dancing around family, especially young kids and see how quickly they start smiling, either laughing or dancing with you.
When I say play, I don’t mean start playing hopscotch! Play is any activity that has no purpose, that when you do it time simply flies and afterwards you feel refreshed as it nourishes your emotional energy.
For each one of us, play will be different, for you it may be reading a good book, watching a good movie, or it may any kind of craft or art. It may be doing crosswords. It really does not matter as long as it is something you can lose yourself in and give your mind a break. And remember, self-care is not selfish, it is essential. You cannot pour from an empty cup, so allow yours to fill through play (whatever that means to you) then you will be much more able to help those around you.
I have lots of other ways you can help your self to feel calm, but these are the best starting point, as they are simple things you can start doing straight away.
The main services I currently offer are online coaching, guided relaxation and spirit guide readings. However, I can also offer hypnotherapy as long as we can set up the meetings safely online.
Whenever I start coaching or hypnotherapy with anyone the first session is always a ‘getting to know you session’ where I go through an in-depth consultation, which enables me to tailor any future sessions to your exact needs. Then the following session can vary greatly depending on what you need and which tools we have agreed would help you the most. If you would like to know more, please get in touch and we can arrange a free informal chat to see how I can help. I love to talk as I’m sure Kate will agree, so please feel free to get in touch.
Big Thank You!
Thank you for reading my blog, I hope it has been helpful and apologies for the length, I just had so much I wanted to say, so thank you for sticking with me. Geraldine 😊 - xxx